Thursday, October 16, 2008

10/12/08

We've been together, Bolivia and I, for five months. Well, sort of. There was that trip to the states and back. Crazy really.

So here I am, five months later.
-To the states and back
-Moved AGAIN
-'Survived' my first real bout with political turmoil
-Began to understand my calling and what that looks like
-Further building my relationships at Carchipampa


So many things in the past five months. When I say it like that, 5 months, it seems short. But when I retrospectively look -life in the States seems so long ago. A lifetime. That is what I have created here: a whole life. Not, by any means, leaving mine behind, but with the understanding that this was not going to work unlessI dug in. Gave it everything I had. And I have.

The other afternoon, Katie, Rehanna, and I were out in La Concha trying to get some shopping done. We got to talking about how long we had been here. We were talking about the drastic changes we had seen in such a short period of time here in Bolivia. I began expressing how different my life looks than a year ago. A year ago this time, I was being accepted by International Teams to head to Bolivia. I was preparing to graduate college. I was living with a whole lot of amazing people. I was in love with Chicago. I couldnt imagine leaving my family for 8 months, let alone 13.

So much looks different. I am working in a school now and less with the orphanges. I continue to work with street children, but in such a different fashion. No longer do I live in the Hacienda, of which I dreamed about for months. So much change in so little time.

I said to Katie and Rehanna, If God would have told me.... All of this. That I would be an independent missionary, change ministries, extend my trip, leave in Sept. for 14 days, experience heartbreak in the truest sense of the word. If he had told me any of this, I would not have believed him. Sadly, a year ago, had I heard this, I may have turned around. And that is when Katie, without skipping a beat said "That is why he didn't." Simple answer. Obvious answer. But oh so true. That is the joy in this, I am so grateful for the strength I see in this now. I am eternally grateful to be here and more grateful that God has given me this passion to be here. However, most grateful that God did not tell me just how difficult some days would be.

Its been a wonderful five months. Although I still don't know when I am leaving, I pray that I am not yet half-way. I pray that this is just the beginning. Because it has been an incredible journey.

Praise: Katie's Mom's surgery was wonderful & could not have gone better. Students are really beginning to understand my methods of teaching & what I am teaching. Grasping if you will.
Prayer: Guidance on when to leave & the finances with that.

Photos of some things we have been working on tomorrow. Come back and check!

Saturday, October 4, 2008

Pure Joy.

Embracing my Aunt in the Fort Meyers Airport
Seeing the Christo again after 25 hours of travel

I have been feeling homesick for a bit now. Not overwhelming or enough to send me home, but I do still have a ticket in Dec. Yet I am not even considering using it. That is not up to me right now. Callings.

I'm here because I am called. At least that is what I am told. For me I am here because all of the other doors were closed. That is how God works. Not everyone enjoys their 'calling.' Nor does everyone listen to their calling of God's will. When I was preparing to come down to Bolivia there were moments that I wanted to turn around. There were points in the prepartion when I felt weak and unable, but God closed doors and open others. And, blessed am I, I enjoy my calling. I am grateful. Which is what made my trip home to Miami was so difficult. I thought I was losing Bolivia. I loved my calling and why would I lose that? Sometimes the lesson is worth learning.

Recently a dear friend and I were chatting about these ideas and about ministry in general. The number one reason people leave the mission field is other missionaries. Any missionary could testify to this. Fact. This strikes me as terribly sadening. So many leaders and so many styles, yet unable to focus on the important. Unable to submit for the need of others. Churches here and all over are filled with issues of this sort. Finally I said to her "Remember, awhile back, when we came to Bolivia to be servants of the Lord?" That's it. That's what it's all about.

So we've taken to fighting the good fight. For others. As much as December looks wonderful and as much as I miss the cool fall weather, I'm called to be here. I'm called to work here, with others, as me. Compassionate. Emotional. Hardworking. Impatient. Serious. Goofy. Smiling and crying. Just me. Through and through.

I was walking today. Sundress on. Feet in the grass and sand. Spanish music on my Ipod. Sun on my skin. Street food in my hand. This is what I love about Bolivia moments like this. I was only minutes away from missing home -deep in my heart. When I realized how lucky I was. I will be home just in time for Rach's wedding. I have many friends missing a number of their good friends weddings. Friends missing graduations. Births. Deaths. Any number of things. For me? I just miss the day to day. The moments like today, when you just appreciate life. When I would walk into UMin just to say hello to my support system. Or church on Sunday mornings with Grandma and Grandpa. Turkey dinners with friends. Tea on a chilly afternoon. But God knows. He knows that I would not have the strength to miss too much. He knows my heart to be here, but my longing to watch The Office with friends or Grey's with my Aunt. He knows. I am loved in such a way I can't understand. So as I continue to walk through my beautiful city, thinking way to many things for my day off, a good song comes on my Ipod.

It's all good music really. But some how a dance song got mixed into my Spanish playlist. And right there, passing the park with the sun glowing all around me, I couldn't help, but bust a move. I was laughing and dancing and simply enjoying life.

Life is tricky here. I am not always happy. Sometimes I miss home. And sometimes things are just plain crappy. But I have joy. Pure joy in this life.
And a calling.

What more could I ask for?

Back to Bolivia

Warm Welcome Back!



Putting into words my arrival back back to Bolivia, will be quite difficult -Yet, I'll give it a go.

There are moments that I feel as if I never left for two weeks, other moments I wonder where I have been. Although, I was in the states and I was with family it has been much longer than that. Since arriving I have focued on my presence here in Bolivia, however very recently I don't know where I have been.

Arriving back feels good. When I called Aunt and Uncle to tell them I arrived safely I called Bolivia home. In that moment, I realize for now, Bolivia is home. And that is wonderful.

Being back at Carchipampa was/is wonderful. The students decorated my classroom to welcome me back. Everyone, teachers and students, were so incredibly warm upon my return. There has been a lot of work to do to catch back up on work and on the lives of families and friends as I have been away, but it was been wonderful.

Rehanna and I are still unsure of our future housing situation, but continue to pray that God will open doors to us. Clear answers. Rehanna and I have had wonderful time together to talk through different things occuring both in Bolivia and in our home lives. She is an wonderful person and incredible inspiration to me and my ministry. Continue to pray that our Lord will guide both Rehanna and I in our ministries.

It feels good to be back.

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

DHL finally arrived!


God is incredible.

Belated 4 Month Anniversary, Safe arrival to Miami, Visas, & Many spiritual things in between

The 12th marked yet another momentous occasion here in Bolivia (However, I am writting this from Florida). 4 months in Bolivia! How incredible. The best part is that this last month proved to be even more of a challenge than the previous months.

Month 4 Highlights:
-Beginning to work at Carchipampa Christian School full time. I teach elementary (grades 1-6) Art and PE. All those summers of Camp Counseling have paid off
-Officially beginning small groups at CIC. My small group is a group of young women from ages 12-15 ish
-Succesful wisdom teeth removal
-I extended my trip by 5 months (My new come home date will be early to mid june after school is out)

As many of you have heard or read, I had to head back to the States for 12 days in hopes of fixing my visa and returning quickly. I arrived safely after quite a few hectic days of travel. I am currently staying with Aunt Suzi and Uncle Tony in Florida. Staying here has been a blessing in so many ways. Allowing me to stay with them for such a long time and their wonderful hospitality (And the pool doesn't hurt :) ) Admist a bit of turmoil in my visa process and in spiritual frustrations I have found great strength in the oppurtunity to relax, refresh, and begin to refocus on ministry in Bolivia.

As for my visa. Well, that is a tale that I am nervous to tell. Upon arriving, getting a visa seemed nearly impossible. Everyone around me expressed their doubts and concerns, in right. However, upon leaving Bolivia, those closest to me were in prayer that God would give me people along the way, in this process, to guide me. God has been incredibly faithful in this request. When I called the embassy in DC on Monday, I recieved wonderful news about my visa and sent my application out that afternoon. A few ups and downs later, I think the end is in sight. I was told today, Wednesday, that my visa was in route back to me here in FL. However, please keep in mind and prayer that a number of things could still go wrong with my visa and so this is not yet a guarantee. Yet, if I recieve my passport tomorrow and all is well, I imagine you will find quite a joyous blog by mid-day tomorrow :)

What does this all mean for my faith? This may possibly be the most honest blog I have written, as this has been the greatest struggle I have faced since arriving in Bolivia. All of you have been present in my process in getting to Bolivia this last May. I spent the better part of the year being mentored by Pastor Judy, Paul, Rich, and the staff at NP. I spent a great deal of time fundraising and working to raise funds to support my stay. And I spent the most time, in deep prayer. The process was not easy, not then nor in retrospect, however there was not a doubt in my mind that this was exactly where God was calling me.

Why then, a short four months into my stay did things begin to shift? Several times in the last month I have come across the verse "God giveth and God taketh away." And so when this issue of returning to the states to fix my visa rose, I was pretty sure God was preparing me to not return. As political tensions rose I was certain that God was preparing my heat to return to Chicago. Goodness was I angry. And confused.

I love Bolivia. I love being a servant there. But what was it all for? God-certainly. But my focus was lost. (This is where the brutal honesty comes in...) Although I continued to serve God and continued to think of myself as a disciple, I found myself farther and farther from why I came. And when Bolivia was being taken from me, I suddenly did not want to serve in Chicago. I have grown to understand and love God deeper in the last few months than I have in my life. Yet, why was I serving? The night Andrea and I arrived in Bolivia we laid in bed talking about the day we would arrive back in the states. The way that our families would embrace us and the stories we would tell. Suddenly, I was back in Miami and I was alone in many forms of the word. This was not the plan.

In retrospect, God has given me several oppurtunities to learn this lesson in the last four months. Three times, that come to mind, God has 'said' to me "fully rely on Me." And I thought I was. When my Aunt had surgery a few months ago now, I found myself leaving camp early driving over an hour to the closest phone only to nearly yell at my Uncle for his lack of communication. Where was my faith? I knew she was in God's hands. I knew he was caring for her. Yet, some how that was not enough. Sadly, I have more tales just the same. Which brings me to Miami.

I have been stripped of all of my securities. And finally, I have no choice, but to FULLY rely on God. When everyone around me was saying how impossible getting back to Bolivia was, God said no it was not. And so for four days, I prayed. I prayed in a way I haven't in years.

When I moved in with Aunt Debbie and Uncle Bob almost 7 years ago no longer did I think I NEEDed God in the way that I do. I had friends and family taking care of me. But I am not in Bolivia to serve my friends, my family, my church, my college, my home. Simply my God. God literally stripped me back to the basics. Brought me away from my distractions and even away from my servitude (Even after all those sermons on Sabbath at F.U.M. of PR. I still was not even practicing this idea). It was the only way I could hear. And boy, have things become clear.

Not a day goes by that I do not think and pray for each of you. I miss home quite often. But this year is more than that. It's about shaping my future and the future of those in my life. It's about being a leader and a servant. By no means do I think I have figured any of this out, but it is certainly much more clear.

I have been faithfully reading Psalm 46 as prescribed by a dear friend and leader in my life in Bolivia.

Sunday, September 7, 2008

Details about Miami

It's finally official, I am really heading to Miami.
9/14/08: I will leave Bolivia at 11am and arrive in Miami at 5.30pm
9/25/08 I will leave Miami at 11.20p and arrive in Miami at 6am

Thankfully I am able to stay with my Aunt and Uncle in Florida while I am getting all of my visa settled.

Although things are quickly falling into place there are still a number of concerns in my travels. Both in my departure and in my arrival. Over the next 3 weeks, please keep me intently in your prayers.

I'll update as soon as I arrive in Miami. Thank you for the love and support.

Friday, September 5, 2008

I'm heading to Miami -Just for a bit

My loves at home
Forgive me for this information being on facebook, however I feel this is the best way to reach the greatest number of support at home. At some point today, I will also be updating my blog for those of you keeping up with that.

There are a number of changes that have occurred in the last month and I am sorry for my lack of communication home with these changes. I was waiting for things to settle before I passed many of these on. However, this week has taken a different turn.

Since arriving I have heard God more clear than I have in my life. Living here without distraction and living in God to the fullest, everyday, has created a very open line of communication. The message I hear most frequently is no different than I was home. "Have faith." And rightfully so, who is a missionary without faith? I am at that point again. I am fully relying on God. He has called me to Bolivia for a purpose. He did not call me here to leave me. He called me in service, discipleship, and faith.

I am no longer a part of International Teams. I am praying that I am still able to be a part of their ministries but no longer did I feel I could confidently represent them with all that I am. God has reassured me of this decision each day since I have made it. I am living with the Youngblood's, the family that I have adopted here and spent so much time with previously. Currently, Rehanna, another missionary looking for housing, also lives here. We live in a village and I love it.

This week I officially started working at Carchipampa Christian School. It is an international school that focuses on both the future and the important. Each of the teachers are missionaries who have a pure passion to lead and serve. I have been teaching elementary art and PE. Words could hardly begin to express how much the children and I love one and other. Each morning the staff has daily devotionals, the students have chapel once a week, and there is not a moment that goes by that someone at Carchi isn't praying for the well being of the staff and students. It is incredible.

Upon arrival in May, I found out that I came down with the wrong visa. This is an error that occurred in the states due to a miscommuncation between International Teams and myself. In order for me to continue to work at Carchipampa, I need to be legal here in Bolivia. Normally, this would mean a 'border run.' However, the US is in deeper than ever with the Bolivian Government and I have been told I have to fly to Miami to fix this. This is where my faith is coming in. I have to do this within three weeks.

Rehanna's faith blows me away each day. When I told her of this issue, through my tears :) , she reminded me that all I can do is ask for support and prayer and God will do everything else. And so I go to you. My faithful friends and family who have supported me since I arrived back home last year.
My prayer needs:
-Peace and confirmation that God needs me at Carchipampa
-Confidence to fly to Miami and strength to return
-The $2900 of financial support that is needed to correct this visa error and to fly to Miami
-Wisdom, Strength, and Courage in my faith.

The desire to fix my visa is not only out of fear of deportation and calling to work at Carchipampa, but also in the fact that I am staying in Bolivia until June. I had been prayful about this idea for quite some time and recently received great confirmation in this. (Dont worry Rach, Ill be home BEFORE your wedding!!) My family and I have agreed that this is the best time for me to continue in ministry here. I am here and I have built great relationships. Today, ironically, marks my halfway mark. Well, if I were to have left in December. To think that, is astonishing. I am JUST now, becoming comfortable in my surroundings and in my relational ministries. However, staying until June means that I am only a quarter of the way done here.

God is faithful to me. Day in and Day out. Not a day goes by that the sun does not rise over the mountains here in Bolivia. Why do I then, doubt?

"Greater things have yet to come
Great things are still to be done
In this city
Greater things are still to come
And greater things are still to be done here"
-Chris Tomlin Song GOD OF THIS CITY