The 12th marked yet another momentous occasion here in Bolivia (However, I am writting this from Florida). 4 months in Bolivia! How incredible. The best part is that this last month proved to be even more of a challenge than the previous months.
Month 4 Highlights:
-Beginning to work at Carchipampa Christian School full time. I teach elementary (grades 1-6) Art and PE. All those summers of Camp Counseling have paid off
-Officially beginning small groups at CIC. My small group is a group of young women from ages 12-15 ish
-Succesful wisdom teeth removal
-I extended my trip by 5 months (My new come home date will be early to mid june after school is out)
As many of you have heard or read, I had to head back to the States for 12 days in hopes of fixing my visa and returning quickly. I arrived safely after quite a few hectic days of travel. I am currently staying with Aunt Suzi and Uncle Tony in Florida. Staying here has been a blessing in so many ways. Allowing me to stay with them for such a long time and their wonderful hospitality (And the pool doesn't hurt :) ) Admist a bit of turmoil in my visa process and in spiritual frustrations I have found great strength in the oppurtunity to relax, refresh, and begin to refocus on ministry in Bolivia.
As for my visa. Well, that is a tale that I am nervous to tell. Upon arriving, getting a visa seemed nearly impossible. Everyone around me expressed their doubts and concerns, in right. However, upon leaving Bolivia, those closest to me were in prayer that God would give me people along the way, in this process, to guide me. God has been incredibly faithful in this request. When I called the embassy in DC on Monday, I recieved wonderful news about my visa and sent my application out that afternoon. A few ups and downs later, I think the end is in sight. I was told today, Wednesday, that my visa was in route back to me here in FL. However, please keep in mind and prayer that a number of things could still go wrong with my visa and so this is not yet a guarantee. Yet, if I recieve my passport tomorrow and all is well, I imagine you will find quite a joyous blog by mid-day tomorrow :)
What does this all mean for my faith? This may possibly be the most honest blog I have written, as this has been the greatest struggle I have faced since arriving in Bolivia. All of you have been present in my process in getting to Bolivia this last May. I spent the better part of the year being mentored by Pastor Judy, Paul, Rich, and the staff at NP. I spent a great deal of time fundraising and working to raise funds to support my stay. And I spent the most time, in deep prayer. The process was not easy, not then nor in retrospect, however there was not a doubt in my mind that this was exactly where God was calling me.
Why then, a short four months into my stay did things begin to shift? Several times in the last month I have come across the verse "God giveth and God taketh away." And so when this issue of returning to the states to fix my visa rose, I was pretty sure God was preparing me to not return. As political tensions rose I was certain that God was preparing my heat to return to Chicago. Goodness was I angry. And confused.
I love Bolivia. I love being a servant there. But what was it all for? God-certainly. But my focus was lost. (This is where the brutal honesty comes in...) Although I continued to serve God and continued to think of myself as a disciple, I found myself farther and farther from why I came. And when Bolivia was being taken from me, I suddenly did not want to serve in Chicago. I have grown to understand and love God deeper in the last few months than I have in my life. Yet, why was I serving? The night Andrea and I arrived in Bolivia we laid in bed talking about the day we would arrive back in the states. The way that our families would embrace us and the stories we would tell. Suddenly, I was back in Miami and I was alone in many forms of the word. This was not the plan.
In retrospect, God has given me several oppurtunities to learn this lesson in the last four months. Three times, that come to mind, God has 'said' to me "fully rely on Me." And I thought I was. When my Aunt had surgery a few months ago now, I found myself leaving camp early driving over an hour to the closest phone only to nearly yell at my Uncle for his lack of communication. Where was my faith? I knew she was in God's hands. I knew he was caring for her. Yet, some how that was not enough. Sadly, I have more tales just the same. Which brings me to Miami.
I have been stripped of all of my securities. And finally, I have no choice, but to FULLY rely on God. When everyone around me was saying how impossible getting back to Bolivia was, God said no it was not. And so for four days, I prayed. I prayed in a way I haven't in years.
When I moved in with Aunt Debbie and Uncle Bob almost 7 years ago no longer did I think I NEEDed God in the way that I do. I had friends and family taking care of me. But I am not in Bolivia to serve my friends, my family, my church, my college, my home. Simply my God. God literally stripped me back to the basics. Brought me away from my distractions and even away from my servitude (Even after all those sermons on Sabbath at F.U.M. of PR. I still was not even practicing this idea). It was the only way I could hear. And boy, have things become clear.
Not a day goes by that I do not think and pray for each of you. I miss home quite often. But this year is more than that. It's about shaping my future and the future of those in my life. It's about being a leader and a servant. By no means do I think I have figured any of this out, but it is certainly much more clear.
I have been faithfully reading Psalm 46 as prescribed by a dear friend and leader in my life in Bolivia.
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