Pure Joy.

Embracing my Aunt in the Fort Meyers Airport
Seeing the Christo again after 25 hours of travel

I have been feeling homesick for a bit now. Not overwhelming or enough to send me home, but I do still have a ticket in Dec. Yet I am not even considering using it. That is not up to me right now. Callings.

I'm here because I am called. At least that is what I am told. For me I am here because all of the other doors were closed. That is how God works. Not everyone enjoys their 'calling.' Nor does everyone listen to their calling of God's will. When I was preparing to come down to Bolivia there were moments that I wanted to turn around. There were points in the prepartion when I felt weak and unable, but God closed doors and open others. And, blessed am I, I enjoy my calling. I am grateful. Which is what made my trip home to Miami was so difficult. I thought I was losing Bolivia. I loved my calling and why would I lose that? Sometimes the lesson is worth learning.

Recently a dear friend and I were chatting about these ideas and about ministry in general. The number one reason people leave the mission field is other missionaries. Any missionary could testify to this. Fact. This strikes me as terribly sadening. So many leaders and so many styles, yet unable to focus on the important. Unable to submit for the need of others. Churches here and all over are filled with issues of this sort. Finally I said to her "Remember, awhile back, when we came to Bolivia to be servants of the Lord?" That's it. That's what it's all about.

So we've taken to fighting the good fight. For others. As much as December looks wonderful and as much as I miss the cool fall weather, I'm called to be here. I'm called to work here, with others, as me. Compassionate. Emotional. Hardworking. Impatient. Serious. Goofy. Smiling and crying. Just me. Through and through.

I was walking today. Sundress on. Feet in the grass and sand. Spanish music on my Ipod. Sun on my skin. Street food in my hand. This is what I love about Bolivia moments like this. I was only minutes away from missing home -deep in my heart. When I realized how lucky I was. I will be home just in time for Rach's wedding. I have many friends missing a number of their good friends weddings. Friends missing graduations. Births. Deaths. Any number of things. For me? I just miss the day to day. The moments like today, when you just appreciate life. When I would walk into UMin just to say hello to my support system. Or church on Sunday mornings with Grandma and Grandpa. Turkey dinners with friends. Tea on a chilly afternoon. But God knows. He knows that I would not have the strength to miss too much. He knows my heart to be here, but my longing to watch The Office with friends or Grey's with my Aunt. He knows. I am loved in such a way I can't understand. So as I continue to walk through my beautiful city, thinking way to many things for my day off, a good song comes on my Ipod.

It's all good music really. But some how a dance song got mixed into my Spanish playlist. And right there, passing the park with the sun glowing all around me, I couldn't help, but bust a move. I was laughing and dancing and simply enjoying life.

Life is tricky here. I am not always happy. Sometimes I miss home. And sometimes things are just plain crappy. But I have joy. Pure joy in this life.
And a calling.

What more could I ask for?